Crying Fake Tears

I was watching the news yesterday, and it was too much for me. Reporters were everywhere, kids were crying and everyone was trying to pick up the pieces of what happened in Connecticut. The thing that got to me though, was when a man and his wife were walking to there car, the wife trying to consol him. Then the man, who was clearly older, couldn't take anymore and just collapsed in the parking lot on his knees....I couldn't take it any more.

 

I was only watching TV. That was when I broke down. Just that morning our family was having a discussion about bying Christmas presents, but not worrying about how much they cost and not focusing on the gifts. Suddenly those gifts didn't mean anything to me anymore. Nothing did. All I kept thinking was why haven't I been a better sister and daughter and friend?And why wasn't I that kid? Why did it happen to them not me? Then, seeing the grief that that man was suffering, I was so guilty. Why have I been living this way? Why am I complaining when there are literally people going through so much heartache that I can hardly watch it from hundreds of miles away?

What if I had been that older sister who lost her little sibling without warning?

 

My little sister Macey and I were shopping for Christmas presents that day, and she was excited and started to pull my cart, and I just told her to stop. What if that had been the last thing I said to her? Why am I so self-absorbed that I don't notice that those little things that I so easily let them get on my nerves are the things that I'm gonna miss someday? Because Macey's not gonna be so little forever. All this seems like it's too much for us to bear and too much to grasp, but there is hope.

 

Today I heard that one little boy who understood what was going on did something amazing. He didn't complain that he was about to be shot-he didn't get mad at God for letting this happen-he didn't even panick. After the shooting the police that went in to investigate found a note from this little boy to his parents saying that he was sorry for being a bad son and he loved them, and that he was going to see them in Heaven one day. During all the chaos and darkness and seemingly hopelessness, this little boy found peace and rest in the One who he trusted in with his whole heart. He knew where he was going and wanted people to know that. What an amazing kid.

 

We look at this story and get upset and confused and feel like we know what's best, but that little kid didn't. He got it. He knew what life is about and he wanted us to know too. Life is a gift, but eternal life is better. How do we live such self-absorbed lives knowing what God is saving for us?? We can cry all we want, but it's all in vein unless we do something about it. Life is so short-what are we going to do with it?

 

All I wanna do right now is to cherish those little moments with family, running down stairs to greet Dad when he gets home from work, laughing with Mom at a funny blog post, laughing at Lilly when she's out of her mind, holding Macey's tiny hand while walking around at Target. God is calling all of us to something big, but our biggest calling from Him is to love our neighbors, to love the world and everyone He's put in our lives, because we might not get tomorrow.

And while we love everyone around us we need to not judge God for letting something like this happen, but to humbly sing praises to Him through our tears.

Remember to pray for all those families in Connecticut that God will use this to bring many to Him.

 

 "I lift up my hands to believe again. You are my Refuge. You are my Strength. As

I pour out my heart, these things I remember, You are faithful God forver."

-K