I Killed Jesus

Ok so last night was a TERRIBLE night with my back so I decided to go to bed early. I put the covers over my head cuz it was still like really bright outside and tried to fall asleep. After trying for almost an hour, Macey walked in my room and took the covers off my head. You have to understand, I had had a LONG day and I DESERVED a peaceful sleep WITH the covers over my head... So when she took them off, I got mad. I said, "Really, Macey!?" Then, she answered, "oh, I didn't know you were awake, I just wanted to make sure you could breath. It didn't look like it from the door," SMILING. Then I thought back to the sermon I listened to last week. He talked about getting rid of letting so many things make us mad, because God certainly didn't let His anger out on us when we killed His only Son... III killed Jesus! I bit my tongue. I almost cried, and I don't cry. I walked upstairs the other morning after I worked out and saw Macey in her room alone. She didn't see me. She got her brush and looked in her jewelry box mirror and started brushing her hair- she was so innocent-looking, and in that moment, I just wished I could be a better sister to her. What kind of sister AM I!? God put this beautiful, tiny, sweet ball of energy in my life and I just automatically think that I deserve my space and my time and my privacy!! I KILLED JESUS, and He blesses me with an amazing little girl who somehow looks up to ME. And I don't even think, "oh, maybe she's just checking on me," or when she asks to play with me: ,"Maybe she just wants to be with me,"
even though honestly, I'm not probly enjoyable to be around. She asked me to come outside with her, and without a thought, I just said no. What am I thinking!? Why am I always te center of my world!? Why aren't I focused on living for the one that died for me ( or living like it!?) I'm all nice around my friends, and when I get home, I unleash all my frustration on my family. I KILLED JESUS. I don't deserve to be here!! So Im just gonna challenge myself and you all to just remember what amazing gifts out siblings are and do something to make their day better today:) I KILLED JESUS- I need to take MY cross and follow His example.
-k